Among the blogs I read, I see a lot of Day of the Week themed blogs...so being that it's Monday and I was perusing Margaret Feinberg's site, I decided to join the trend. Here goes!
I recently stumbled upon the word, Nonversation, meaning “the communication between two men”. I chuckled when read the definition, but realized that nonversations aren’t limited by gender. I have a lot of nonversations in my own life.
Nonversations happen when we talk about everything except the real issue we need to discuss.
Nonversations happen when we allow the weather, daily headlines, and the topics we discuss to circle around us and never really touch who or where we really are.
Nonversations happen when we don’t take time to develop insightful questions that pull, tug, and play.
Nonversations can easily become part of lives as we learn to talk about many things without really talking about anything at all. While not every conversation needs to be deep, meaningful, or challenging, I know that I can be more intentional about my words and what I communicate–discussing things that are both meaningful and delightful.
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From Margaret Feinberg's blog
I just returned from Haiti yesterday. Reading this I immediately felt like I had an outside perspective on nonversations. I know a week and a half away doesn't exactly make me an outsider, but I noticed nonversations as soon as I got home. Immediately after claiming our baggage, somebody asked about our t-shirts. As Nic explained what we'd been doing in Haiti, it became obvious that they were also Christians. Instead of talking seriously about God's magnificent doings though, we proceeded through a question and answer version of small talk. Instead of interjecting the things they probably needed to hear to take the mission field at home and abroad seriously, I spewed fluff. I stood there, anxious to get home, and wondered "what is the point of this conversation?"
I have never been a fan of nonversations. I have always said I "break" personality quizes because they don't knowhow to describe someone who loves visiting with people but hates small talk. It actually makes me extremely uncomfortable. Nic has to nearly tie me down for me to make it through "greeting time" at church without running away to the bathroom or to get coffee.I would set down with anyone for a cup of coffee so I can see how they truly are and have a real conversation.
In Haiti, it was not unusual for someone to introduce themselves and then outright ask, "Do you love Jesus?" People also frequently told us exactly what they were thinking. They weren't being rude, but any small talk would have been a waste of time. They did talk about less serious things quite frequently. But the point of such things has always been personal relationships. The pastor of the church I attended there has brought 8 Voodoo priests and witch doctors to know the Living God in the last 6 months. Do you think these transformations happened through a serious of nonversations?
I don't think so. And while I don't have an abundance of Voodoo priests in my community, I would venture to say that if we probed deeper into potentially meaningful conversations, we would see those kinds of transformations in our friends and family. If you don't have unsaved friends and family, then stop having nonversations amd get some new friends!
