This Is Why I Ask You To Read...I Have To.

Do you ever feel...useless?


Don't you ever feel discontent? Not the "Maybe I should redecorate the living room" kind of discontent. Kind of like the mean reds verses the plain old blues. Do you ever feel like you serve no purpose?

I look at my time on this earth, and I do see value through the eyes of my Saviour. (I like to spell words like the Brits sometimes; it flows off my fingers quite naturally so I refuse to listen to the spell-checker.) But I still get this ache inside. So I begin to evaluate and reevaluate my gifts, my efforts and as always, God's grace in both of these.

What am I good at? And how am I using these gifts? Am I honoring God with my time and energy? This is what I come up with:

I need to be a wife that my husband is excited to live with.

I need to be a mom that forms her quiver of arrows into true weapons for God's kingdom.

I need to write.


This what the mean reds are about. It's the Spirit tugging on my heart and mind to keep going with all I've got.

How are you unique to Jesus? What did He make you great at? What did He place before you for you to work at?

Will you do it? Be encouraged my friend. Be encouraged to do exactly what He's calling you to do, the thing the Spirit leads you to do. It's the thing your heart aches for (not your flesh, or what the world tells you you should want or what the enemy tries to distract you with).

It's ingrained in you, because it is placed there by your Creator.
Only He can write it on your heart.
He wants your praise!
He wants the kind of worship you write with your life. It's a different song from each of us; will you go and walk the unique path He has laid for you on this Narrow Way?

Dear Daughters of Eve,

My spirit is grieved and my heart is heavy.

Where do I start?

The place that I fellowship has plenty of good things going on. My favorite is the mens group. I obviously haven't attended it, but by it's fruit I know great things are happening! It started as a small group and began to grow almost uncontrollably. Somehow it has maintained the same atmosphere and accountability as it did when it was a fraction of the size. They have seen multiple marriages restored, souls saved and best of all their leaders teach the Word with boldness.

The "womens ministry" on the other hand, consists of a few separate groups meeting through out the week. Three out of four have had an issue of doctrinal inconsistencies within their leaders' teaching. Invitation to one of those groups is almost like being recruited for a pyramid scheme. It's as if the women afraid that if they don't get you another group will. Two out of four choose to go through book studies and have hit a very low plateau regarding the depth of their Biblical knowledge. To summarize, scripture is not being studied the way it should and healthy relationships are DEFINITELY not growing.

So why such a vast difference? Honestly, I'm still churning it all around in my brain. So far, this is what I've come up with,

1. Insecurities.
2. Insecurities.
3. Pride
4. Insecurities.
5. Selfish Ambition

When women don't embrace the person God has made them to be and the role He's asked them to fill, they get uncomfortable. And rightly so! Unfortunately they don't use that itch to spur them on to better things. Instead they begin to compare themselves to other women. This can lead to tearing each other down through gossip and so many other malicious female activities this world often glamorizes. Pride somehow stops us from serving in the areas God has gifted us to serve in, the places we would succeed. I want to know how the female brain (my own included) rationalizes this; "I'd benefit the kingdom greatly by doing this, but it's just not really what I had pictured. I'm sure God won't mind if I slip into this leadership role instead." Does it really require more faith to do what He made us to do rather then attempt something He didn't? It shouldn't, but what it does generally require is humility and submission. Ick, nasty little words.

When we stop consulting God for our next step, we can no longer assume we're on board with His vision. And that point, we have to take it upon ourselves to ensure that the program is a hit Que the feeling of competition, its her turn. Making a plan (asking God to bless it as a side note) and then relying on our own efforts to make it work forces us to compete with others for attendance, coolness and even spiritual growth. After all, failure is not an option, because that would be humiliating.

One of these days, I pray that women all over, but specifically the women in my congregation will stop attempting to fill roles they aren't supposed to (those of men, people with other gifts and those occupied just for the sake of doing good stuff) I pray that they will serve and attend to strengthen and purify the body. They will not seek validation from their situation within the Body because they will feel confident in the love of their Father and Maker. If the women of God in my community (and everywhere) would begin to humbly approach the Throne for their assignments and band together as a big beautiful army of graceful, unique, individual soldiers...I'm emotional as words fail to adequately describe the devastation the enemy would experience.

What are pastors for? I'm a little worked up and a lot tired.

Generally speaking, what is the purpose of a pastor? Is it just to deliver sermons? We get the English word pastor from the same root as the word pastoral, relating to the care of sheep and goats. In fact, the first definition of shepherd in my dictionary is not someone who cares for sheep, it's "a clergyman who watches over a group of people." I think it's beautiful and accurate, as the Word uses the same analogy!

So I guess my questions are really more like this: how many Pastors look after a group of people? I mean really look after, including going after lost ones and protecting the babies. Also, how much time do pastors spend truly caring for people? And how much time do they spend simply preparing messages? If you think about it, how much does a sermon or two a week really do in the grand scheme of "looking after" sheep? Does that hour ensure that they are truly fed, a healthy part of the flock and producing baby sheep? And how much are we paying these guys (or gals in some situations)? I truly believe that many pastors are highly educated and very gifted, but are they doing their jobs? I mean really, does the pastoral job description consist of merely preaching and one or two other menial tasks to assure the attendance stays up? Biblical stewardship would require us (with grace) to make sure they're earning their income.

While working through this issue in my own brain, I looked at many New Testament verses. I started by looking at the ministries of Paul and others mentioned in the New Testament; how they exhorted, discipled, taught and seemed to just be among the people while offering practical advice. Then I felt like God was leading me to places I hadn't thought to look.

First of all, what about the ministry of Jesus? Hello! Why didn't I go there to begin with?! Jesus did preach to the masses, but He spent much of His time developing several strong believers, concentrating on a few. When He did preach to large groups, He didn't exactly coddle the audience to protect His attendance numbers. He spoke the Truth, He didn't sugar coat the tough stuff and He definitely wasn't "seeker-friendly". In fact, He said some offensive, culturally challenging and sometimes crazy sounding stuff! But through those eleven men and others who heard and were "looked after", millions have come to know the truth! Why would we attempt to make any other strategy work, namely replacing true discipleship with three points and an alter call?

The second set of scriptures started in Romans 12. Paul is telling the believers in Rome to each glorify and further the Kingdom to the best of their abilities with the specific gifts that God gave them. (v 6,7) Also, 1 Corinthians 12 talks about how the unity of the body requires the uniqueness of each believer. I have concluded this: I don't believe every pastor is necessarily cut out for that position. While they each have specific gifts to offer the body, unless they are comfortable with literal "looking after" as written about in the New Testament, then their gifts might be better used from another area of leadership. Paul was a wonderful teacher and seemed especially gifted in exhortation as well. Not only did he preach when among the churches, but he developed leaders and structure. He also followed up with those churches, as seen in the New Testament letters, to assure that everything was still going well. What's important is that he was using his spiritual gifts with zeal. Even in Acts when a complaint arose on behalf of widows, the disciples recognized that it wouldn't be wise for the best preachers to stop teaching to take care of the distribution, instead it would be much smarter for responsible leaders with a gift of serving to do that. Lastly, just above that I stumbled on Acts 5:45 which says, "And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they did not cease teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ."

In summary, my prayer is that those who truly do have a teaching gift, would do it unceasingly! I hope that the role of pastor and shepherd would be taken more seriously. I earnestly desire that each believer would feel the urgency to use their skills for God's glory. I hope people recognize that Pastors get paid because they should be so busy "looking after" people that they don't have time to make any other living, not so that other believers are deemed unnecessary. Lastly, Lord please raise up a generation of pastors and mature believers who will make disciples that are comfortable continuing this process with their own unique gifts.