As I prepare to move away from my Spiritual children there has been a very clear picture sitting in my brain. I am going to speak very frankly about occurances in ministry because the only person I feel like I might offend is the wolf himself. As I'll point out I think we've been too kind for too long to this sneaky pack.
In ministry, lots of people want to tell you what you should be doing to do ministry "right". Many of the ideas that people brought to us had very little to do with reaching the lost and much to do with creating an appearance of success. One particular person made our lives miserable for a short time. So as we prepared to "go home" to my little country church to minister, I began to worry about who would take care of our sheep.
This person repeatedly came up to Nic and told him exactly how to reach people as if we could have never done ministry without him. He started treating his suggestions as nonnegotiables. He began using speech such as, "I'm part of the church so that means you work for me." He would frequently exert power and authority that he didn't actually have. Wolf Red Flag #1: Assigning himself/herself power.
We responded saying that we'd pray over his suggestions and seek the Lord as to whether or not he would have us to start any of those things. In the meanwhile, we asked he and his wife (who had a lot to say as well) to pray about whether they should volunteer their time to be a part of making a difference in the lives of teenagers and see first hand what the ministry might need. After praying we added a few more game/hang out nights since we tend to focus on the more serious side of things. We definitely did fun things but adding more would only build relationships as long as we didn't sacrifice Gospel-centeredness to do so. We tried to follow up with this couple to no avail.
Soon after, we heard from our head Pastor that they had met with him to bring their complaints. (Keep in mind that this couple has no children old enough to be in the youth group.) After hearing their issues with our "performance" our Pastor just told us to make sure we were meeting the congregants needs and assumed they'd go away. Wolf Red Flag #2: A wolf will not stop until he/she has caused distruction.
We noticed this person still acting suspiciously but we weren't sure what he was up to. We would soon find out that he had contacted several board members to complain about the same performance inadequacies he felt we had and tacked on some issues he had with our appearance and (are you ready for this) that he didn't like one of my facebook posts! We would have never known, except that several board members in he hit one that had the courage to come to us. He boldly (and clearly, YAYYY!) listed all of the things the wolf was unhappy with. We explained our process of praying over things, that we'd tried to follow up and of course easily dismissed his other nitpicky issues. That conversation took place on a friday. When we showed up for church on Sunday he shook Nic's hand and simply said, "You're good to go, thank you for serving." Wolf Red Flag #3: Kill or be killed.
Since this couple would no longer be a problem for us, I had kind of forgotten about them. But as we prepared to leave God game me the MOST CLEAR IMAGE, it's amazing. I'm not really an artist but I finally told my husband I was going to have to draw it just to get it out of my head. All I could see was that same guy with the hide of a sheep draped over his body like a Native hunter would wear a wolf hide to scare buffalo. God was reminding me that although someone was strong of to subdue the wolf, no one had the leadership skills and strength it took to shoot him.
Often in today's church culture, we can't even shoot the wolves without a disguise. So when they are clever enough to come in sheep's clothing, maybe even with lambs in tow, we feed, water and strengthen them to our own injury. The longer they hang around, the more people trust and accept them and the more damage is does to the flock with they eventually do either get shot or destroy it all together.
Why am I sharing this with all of you? This is why:
Have you ever had someone surprise you as deceptive after you'd known them for a long time? What might you do now to remain aware that the enemy wants to use people you know to seek, kill and destroy?
And will you join me in praying for our Spiritual leaders to have discernment and strength to see and shoot the wolves that would try and trap their sheep?
Thank you, once again, Ellie. I will join you in prayer for this exact issue. I am very sad that you guys are leaving and this person does create some anxiety/fear in my world with the youth. As 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." This will be my guide in this situation. I will do what I can to help at my position and will go to leadership if necessary.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you both for your hearts for these youth. God will use you well in Fort Shaw!! Please continue to pray for us here -- the hunting needs to continue until all wolves are destroyed.
Consider this: Every person in leadership is considered a wolf at one point or another - just by virtue of which side of a decision the shooter is standing on. And once the shooting starts, it's not long before there's no one left standing. The parable of the wheat and the tares is a good picture to focus on when you must go on feeding the sheep - in spite of what others think, do, or say.
ReplyDeleteI would disagree with your take on the analogy. All Christians are sheep. We are for Him; wolves are out to seek, kill and destroy. Pastors and leadership are shepherds, so they could not possibly be wolves too. I also understand that we must live among the tares in order to be strong, healthy and because our God will be the one who distinguishes the wheat from the tares. But passages such as 2 Peter 2, 2 Timothy 3-4, and Titus 3:10,11 (As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned) still lead me to believe that we should not allow the divisive and false to have an influence in our churches.
DeleteI won't argue the analogy... but I did ask about this situation after reading your post (I was out of the loop on this one). I understand that after attending youth and hearing Nic preach, this person (if it's who you are thinking of) went to leadership and apologized for their criticisms of you both , and said, "I was wrong - Nic's Bible study is on track and I enjoyed it." (Maybe that prompted the comment, "You're good to go" ?? ). It is unfortunate if you didn't get that apology, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had to go through such a thing - I know how very painful that can be. I've been wounded deeply in ministry multiple times, but I have learned to focus on the thing that Jesus told Peter to focus on, "Feed my Sheep." It always yields better fruit than opening fire or exporting the pain, as those things just make the issue grow.
I am truly sorry you are hurting so badly. I think a meeting with leadership, you and Nic, and this couple would be appropriate so that you can begin your new ministry with a healed heart.
I can see how it would seem like we're hurt. But neither Nic or I are easily offended and our concern lies with the body, not for ourselves. I know the full scope of the story and after careful prayer, I still feel a special concern for the situation. I do, however, have confidence in M & N that they will not forsake the gospel for empty activities. It was so much easier to leave people we love knowing that they will do an awesome job.
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